Freedom From Shame

I'm from New Mexico. I grew up in a community in northern New Mexico on a small country farm. With five boys, you can imagine what grief my mother went through! Two of us brothers had severe myopia that became full blindness. I had some sight when I was younger and I could read with glasses.

Transition to School

At age five, the doctor recommended to my parents that I be sent to the school for the blind. I went kicking and screaming, but it was the best thing my parents could have done. There would not have been the kind of services I needed in a regular school.

[When I went to school], the town was small, with about 30 or 40 thousand people, but it looked like a city to me because I was from a small farm. When I went to school, I stayed for nine months. There was no phone at home and I didn't see my parents for nine months. I was fluctuating between two cultures. For me, that let me adapt more easily to different cultures.

Learning Shame

I learned two things very quickly growing up in a school for the blind. I grew up with Spanish and learned English at school. I still spoke Spanish at home so I had to learn Spanish again every summer when I went home. [Then I had to relearn English when I returned to school in the fall.] I had to relearn both languages. At the school for the blind in the 1950s, we were not allowed to speak in Spanish. I learned to be ashamed of my own culture.

Also, I had some vision, even though I was still legally blind. I thought I was luckier than those poor kids who were completely blind. I learned to be ashamed of blindness. It was devastating when I become fully blind.

In high school, I had repeated visits and surgery with the doctor. The doctor said I should stop being physically active, meaning no more sports, to preserve what little sight was left. Then there was so little vision it was of little use, so I continued to be active with wrestling, running, and other sports. People ask if it's easier to lose your sight quickly or slowly. I don't know the answer. But when you lose it slowly, it delays acceptance.

Is There Life After High School?

My teacher asked what I wanted to do after graduation. I had no idea. My parents did not have much education themselves. I didn't know many blind adults. I knew there were blind musicians, blind people in workshops, and a few blind vendors in the vending program. I didn't think that was a good option for me.

Other kids talked about going to college. My counselor convinced me to go to college, but I still had no clear understanding of what I wanted to do. Vocational Rehabilitation Services insisted on a clear vocational goal. I changed majors every time I turned around. Finally, I found my true calling in working with people.

Going From Shame to Unlimited Expectations

I was director of rehabilitation services for the blind in Washington, D.C. What changed my attitude about being blind and being Latino was when I worked in service organizations. Meeting other Latinos and other blind people who were successful helped me think more highly of myself and have higher expectations for myself.

This Building Bridges conference is the perfect way for Latinos with disabilities to make connections with other Latinos with disabilities. Where I will go from here I don't know, but the sky is the limit.

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